Examples Of Assertive Communication Style

Written by: Roselyn Mathew / Professional Communication / November 15, 2023 / 8 minutes read

Assertive communication means communicating one’s thoughts, needs and opinions to others in a  direct, open and appropriate manner without offending the other person’s feelings. In assertive  communication, the speaker tends to express their thoughts but also considers the listener’s situation  and is empathetic to them. When the speaker understands and empathizes with the listener, the  listener tries to understand the situation and would not get offended by the speaker.

Assertive communication and other communication styles

Before proceeding with the examples, we will see how assertive communication is superior to the other  types of communication styles. The other major types of communication styles can be described as  passive, aggressive and passive-aggressive. 

Passive communication  

Passive communication is a type of communication style where the person does not respond to the  issues that they are facing or responds in a way as if they are asking for a favour from the other person.  The listener does not get offended here but they might not comply with the speaker’s request and the  speaker would not get the outcome that they need in this situation.  

Aggressive communication 

In the aggressive communication style, the speaker takes a more direct approach and tells very plainly to the  listener about the issue. Here, the speaker would get the result that they need but the listener might  perceive the speaker to be rude and uncaring and might get offended. This would damage the  relationship or friendship between the speaker and the listener.  

Passive-aggressive communication  

In this communication style, the speaker would not respond directly to the situation and would stop  interacting with the other person. They might completely avoid the other person or might say  something the hurts the speaker in other situations or might even spread rumours about them. There is  hardly any communication happening regarding the situation. This communication style does not  benefit anyone and would also result in ruining the friendship or relationship with the other person. 

It can be seen from the above communication styles that these might not lead to the desired results and  might also damage friendships/relationships. Assertive communication helps in solving issues with  damaging relationships or friendships.  

Assertive communication means communicating one’s thoughts, needs and opinions to others in a  direct, open and appropriate manner without offending the other person’s feelings.

EXAMPLES OF ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION SITUATIONS

It is often thought that assertive communication is applied only during conflicts with another person.  While assertive communication can be used in solving conflicts, they can also be used in various other  situations. Some examples are:

• Asking for a favour 

A passive communication style is not asking for a favour or asking for a favour in a way that makes the  listener think that they need to do something that is difficult. Aggressive method would be directly  asking the other person without giving a context. Passive aggressive might be not asking for a favour and  being sarcastic or referring to this situation in other situations. These communication styles are  ineffective to get the required help. An assertive communication style involves informing the situation  of the person and why help is needed. This convinces the listener to support the speaker.  

• Giving criticism 

A communication style that is passive would try to avoid giving criticism. This would not lead to  improvement. An aggressive communication style would directly give the criticism and stress only on  the negatives. This might make the listener offended even though the criticism is given with good  intentions. A passive aggressive communication style would be using sarcasm or showing annoyance or  an indirect comment which might make the listener confused and upset. This not only offends the  listener but also won’t result in getting the desired output. Assertive communication focuses on the  positives of the person while criticizing them. This makes the listener have a positive attitude towards  the criticism as well as towards the speaker.  

• Accepting criticism 

Accepting criticism means responding to criticism in a positive manner. A passive method would be  apologizing excessively and blaming oneself. An aggressive manner would be contradicting the criticism  and justifying oneself and trying to prove that they are right. A passive aggressive manner would be  avoiding the person who criticized them and trying to find faults with them in other situations. An  assertive manner would be to acknowledge the mistake and to respond positively to it. 

• Saying ‘no’ to someone 

In passive communication, the person would not say ‘no’ and would try to help the other person even if  it is difficult and they need to make a huge sacrifice to do the favour. An aggressive method would be to  say ‘no’ directly which may make the other person upset. A passive aggressive method would be saying  

yes and then not doing it by giving excuses or by blaming the other person. An assertive manner would  be making the other person understand the reason why they cannot help them or by trying to help them in other ways. 

• Standing up for one’s rights 

It is important to stand up for your rights in situations where you feel that you are treated unfairly. A  passive communication style would be not standing up for one’s rights for fear of offending others. An  aggressive method would be stating their rights and showing that they are upset in a direct manner. This  creates a negative impact. A passive aggressive method would be avoiding the other person and hurting  them in indirect ways. Assertive method would be reasoning in a polite manner.  

• Expressing one’s feelings 

It is important to express what makes you upset so that others can remember that and not say or do  things that make you upset. In passive communication, the person tends to avoid expressing their 

feelings. Aggressive communication would involve blaming the other person for making them upset.  Passive aggressive method would be not speaking to the other person and annoying them or making  them upset in other ways. An assertive method would be to make them understand that what they said  or did was upsetting while empathizing with them.  

Conclusion

It is beneficial to have an assertive communication style to solve issues and at the same time maintain a  good relationship/friendship. Having assertive thoughts is not enough. Expressing them using the right  words is important. It is recommended to consult a Speech Language Pathologist who is trained to  improve social and professional communication skills.

To speak with one of the speech-language pathologists at Well Said: Toronto Speech Therapy, schedule an initial consultation by clicking the link below or calling (647) 795-5277.