Reframing Conflict As Collaboration

 

Author: Kendra Wormald, Reg. CASLPO Speech Language Pathologist
Date: Wednesday, September 03, 2025

Table of Contents

 

Why We Avoid Conflict

When given the choice, most people would choose to stray away from conflict. They perceive it as uncomfortable, emotionally draining, intimidating and even see it as a threat. These beliefs and emotions may be rooted in:

Fear of Rejection and Escalation 

The thought of bringing up a disagreement may be associated with fear that the relationship will fall apart or in the very least will become less stable than it was before. You may decide to avoid conflict because of your fear that it will make things worse. The downside to this is that nothing changes, if nothing changes. By avoiding, you are accepting. 

Being Uncomfortable with Being Uncomfortable 

Sometimes the topic of discussion isn’t what deters these conversations but rather the emotion that comes along with it. The body’s response to feelings of tension, frustration and at times awkwardness may look like an increased heart rate, sweaty palms and shorter breaths which can all feel uncomfortable. The issue with avoidance often comes with postponing the inevitable conversation which can perpetuate the issue, increase tensions, passive-aggressiveness, reduce clear and respectful communication and take away from productivity and connection in social and professional settings. Which ‘uncomfortable’ would you rather experience? 

Lack of Confidence 

If you don’t feel confident in the skills you have and your rationale behind your disagreement or opinions - it’s going to make this conversation even harder. Often our thoughts impact our communication behaviours. If you think “I’m going to freeze up, ramble and not use the right words” - odds are that this may actually happen. Through this article you’ll learn strategies for approaching these conversations so you can feel confident despite not knowing how someone else will respond. 

Cultural and Background Conditioning 

In several cultures and households, speaking up can be frowned upon and seen as disrespectful. What we learn at a young age is often engrained in us and contributes to our behaviours and actions later in life, but this doesn’t have to define you; you have the power to change your directory. 

 

Communication Styles

Communication styles aren’t always consistent across different contexts in life. If you demonstrate passiveness in the work setting it doesn’t mean you’re defined by that. You can learn, grow and evolve in your communication style. Reflect on the following qualities, which have you experienced and where? 

* We’ll be only focusing on the following three core communication styles.

Passive Communication 

  • You prioritizes others’ needs over your own 

  • You come across as agreeable but you feel resentful later on 

  • You avoid eye contact, opt for looking at the ground or shifting eye gaze quickly

  • You use extra words and speak around the issue 

  • You avoid expressing your needs 

  • You struggle to say no 

  • You apologize when it’s not needed 

  • You diminish your own skills and knowledge 

Aggressive Communication 

  • You interrupt and speak over others 

  • You aren’t interested in others’ opinions or ideas 

  • You use forceful, demanding and hurtful language (should, must, always)

  • You use intense eye contact and closed off posture 

  • You blame others 

  • You use volume to reinforce of point 

  • You aren’t willing to compromise 

Assertive Communication 

  • You express your needs, feelings and opinions respectfully 

  • You use “ I statements” (e.g. I feel ____ when you _____) 

  • You use open body language and use effective eye contact 

  • You are open to hear others’ perspectives, opinions and emotions 

  • You allow equal space to speak and listen 

  • You remain calm 

  • You recognize others’ right without compromising your own 

  • You are open and receptive to feedback 

Assertive communicators listen to understand, not to respond. Give pause prior to responding and allow time to process. Practice effective breathing while listening and speaking to regulate your emotions and impulsivity to react out of emotion. Your intention should be to hear and understand the other person.

 

Case Scenario Application

Observe how each communication style responds to the same conflict situation. Which one resonates with how you’d likely respond? 

Conflict Scenario: You and your coworker Jim are assigned a project. You agreed on weekly meetings to discuss progress and brainstorm ideas however Jim often either cancels last minute or arrives late. You decide to say something. 

Passive Response 

You: “Oh it’s okay, I guess we can skip this week.” 

Tone: Avoidance, acceptance 

Likely Outcome: Jim continues to be late and doesn’t give you a respectable amount of notice and assumes you’ll be fine with it in the future. 

Aggressive Response 

You: “Jim! This is ridiculous. You’re ALWAYS late and don’t care about my time. It’s impossible to get any work done when I’m assigned with you!” 

Tone: Blaming, emotionally charged 

Likely Outcome: Jim becomes defensive and yells back telling you how ridiculous it is that you’re not understanding and comments on how you don’t ever have plans so pushing the meeting isn’t a big deal. 

Assertive Response 

You: Jim I noticed that our scheduled meetings have been delayed or cancelled several times. I value your input and collaboration and want to stay on track with deadlines. Can we agree to meet consistently? I’m open to discussing the schedule if there’s another time that works better for both of us and/or maybe we can shift the meetings into a virtual platform. 

Tone: Respectful, considerate, direct, solution-focused 

Likely Outcome: Increases Jim’s understanding of the impact of his actions, Jim feels valued and is open to continuing the discussion to solve the issue. Jim communicates that traffic at 5:30pm is very unpredictable coming from downtown Toronto, so you agree to meet online instead.

The assertive communicator is focused on the overarching shared desire of doing well on the assignment rather than focusing on blame. 

 

Reframing Conflict and Confrontation

Conflict doesn’t need to be a battle or something to be feared. Instead it should be seen as an opportunity for collaboration, growth and building stronger relationships. 

Conflict Defined: A disagreement or difference. 

Confrontation Defined: The act of addressing and facing a disagreement, opinion or issue directly. 

In these definitions, there isn’t an explicit negative connotation present. However, we still see these things as being negative. Consider viewing these definitions with a different perspective: 

Conflict Redefined: An opportunity to uncover needs, clarify values and collaborate to strengthen relationships. 

Confrontation Redefined: A tool for clear and respectful communication that addresses the direct issue and promotes understanding. 

With these new perspectives, conflict and confrontation can be seen as a positive and natural experience that can be used as a growth opportunity. 

Assertive communicators focus on the issue. It’s not you vs. the other person but rather both of you against the problem. It’s not about winning but rather about finding a resolution. 

 
 

Fact vs. Fiction

Consider challenging your current beliefs about conflict: 

Fiction: Conflict is dangerous and it’s better to avoid the situation. 

Fact: Conflict is a natural part of interaction and a healthy opportunity for growth and understanding. 

Fiction: Confronting someone will ruin our relationship. 

Fact: Honesty and respectful communication can strengthen your trust and connection. 

Fiction: Conflict is always a negative thing. 

Fact: Conflict can ignite creativity, collaboration and novel solutions.

Fiction: Emotions in conflict are a sign of weakness. 

Fact: Expressing and acknowledging emotions is a strong suit and can strengthen understanding. 

Fiction: Confrontation is a bad thing and will lead to escalation. 

Fact: Confrontation can lead to constructive dialogue when approached calmly and with curiosity. 

Fiction: Avoiding conflict is easier and keeps everyone happy. 

Fact: Avoidance can prolong the issue and increase resentment and tensions that may bleed into other areas. 

 

Assertive Communication Affirmations

How you speak to yourself and what you believe about yourself as a communicator and general beliefs around communication can impact your behaviours. Consider the following affirmations the next time you prepare for a conflict conversation: 

(ChatGPT, 2025; Kahn, 2023) 

  • “I trust myself to handle difficult conversations.” 

  • “Listening doesn’t mean sacrificing my perspective.” 

  • “I honor my needs as much as I honor others’.” 

  • “My voice matters and deserves to be heard.” 

  • “I can express my thoughts without fear of judgment.” 

  • “I can speak directly and respectfully.” 

  • “It’s safe to ask for what I need.” 

  • “It’s okay to say no when something doesn’t serve me.” 

  • “I communicate with clarity and calmness.” 

  • “I can speak my truth without apology.” 

  • “I can hold my ground and stay flexible at the same time.” 

  • “Being honest is a gift to myself and others.” 

  • “I can set boundaries with confidence.” 

  • “I trust my words to be enough.” 

  • “I’m allowed to take up space in conversation.” 

  • “Being clear is kind.” 

 

Conclusion

Experiencing conflict and confrontation is a natural and common aspect of various relationships. How you approach conflict will impact this relationship whether by promoting growth and understanding or by reducing trust and respect. Conflict isn’t a bad thing but rather a tool to transform differences into constructive outcomes.

 

References

 

To speak with a psychotherapist or one of the speech-language pathologists at Well Said: Toronto Speech Therapy, schedule an initial consultation by clicking the link below or calling (647) 795-5277.

 
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AdminWell Said: Toronto Speech Therapyspeech-language pathologist, speech therapist, speech teacher, Kendra Wormald, professional communication, social skills