How To Successfully Have Small Talk
Author: Anna Pasternak, Reg. CASLPO, Speech-Language Pathologist
Date: Wednesday, August 27, 2025
Table of Contents
Small talk is something that many people do not always feel comfortable with. Some may feel they do not know what to say or how to carry the conversation because it feels awkward. Others may feel the conversation is pointless and forced and do not try to put much effort into it. Even though it may feel this way sometimes, whether the conversation feels important or not, it is a window to building relationships and potentially even starting longer conversations. It is important to know how to navigate small talk and feel comfortable using it, as small talk comes up daily when speaking to anyone—at work, when starting meetings, with acquaintances, and with strangers. Here we will discuss some reasoning for small talk and some tips and practice suggestions to allow you to feel more comfortable when in a small talk conversation. The goal is to allow these conversations to feel more natural, pleasurable, and not stressful.
Why is small talk so important?
Someone who tends to engage in small talk often can show that they are friendly and open to having conversations with others. This shows others that they are approachable and genuinely enjoy having conversations. Those who engage in small talk with others easily can make others feel comfortable, which can lead to longer conversations and maybe even building closer connections. These connections can start as acquaintances and grow over time. When someone becomes comfortable during small talk, they begin to get to know the person they are talking to and start to establish trust. This trust may lead to sharing deeper information about themselves, which can result in more meaningful conversations instead of just surface-level exchanges.
Small talk can also be a smooth opener to deeper or more serious conversations. For example, when starting a meeting at work, we may engage in small talk while waiting for everyone to join—filling the silence and easing into more serious topics. Engaging in small talk in a group setting can also give us a sense of belonging and signal to others that we enjoy being social. Of course, group conversations have their own difficulties, as topics can change rapidly and everyone is waiting for their turn to contribute. Staying in the moment and absorbing everything being said will help you follow the conversation, making it easier to contribute by asking questions, commenting, or adding your own opinion. Look for natural pauses to know when to jump in and share your point.
Barriers to small talk
Of course, small talk can come with its own difficulties for some people. Some may truly enjoy it if they like to socialize, but for others—such as those with social anxiety or who are naturally quieter—it can feel much harder. Those with anxiety may always feel uncomfortable when having to engage in small talk, feeling awkward and unsure what to say. They may also worry about saying the wrong thing or appearing negatively.
Cultural differences also play a role. Different cultures may have different ideas about what is considered polite or acceptable. In some cultures, small talk is brief, while in others it may go into more personal topics. Some may stick to very surface-level conversation, like asking “How are you?” or discussing the weather or news, while others may focus more on family and personal matters. Language barriers can also affect this—those who speak English as a second language may not be used to certain conversational styles, making spontaneous engagement harder.
Some people may also have social pragmatic difficulties, which make it harder to engage in small talk due to challenges with picking up on social cues, non-verbal communication, turn-taking, and interjecting. Though there are barriers, with the proper support and practice, small talk can definitely be improved and made more comfortable.
Skills needed for small talk
Being able to start a conversation is important for beginning small talk on a friendly note. This makes us appear approachable and helps the other person feel at ease. The key to small talk is asking lots of questions—especially open-ended ones—not only to learn more about what the other person is saying but also to show interest and keep the conversation going.
Turn-taking is also key. Using this skill effectively allows us to talk and listen at appropriate times. Staying in the moment and using active listening skills helps us understand the conversation while also showing the other person we are engaged. We can do this through non-verbal cues like good eye contact, nodding, and responsive facial expressions and body language.
Finding commonalities in what’s being said is important for relating to the conversation and sharing opinions based on personal experiences. Finally, smoothly shifting topics and politely closing the conversation are skills needed to engage in small talk effectively.
Tips for effective small talk
Starting conversations with something you have in common. For example: “This meeting was booked so last minute, wasn’t it?” Using topics of general interest—such as the weather—is a go-to for many, especially in Canada. Other topics might be something happening in the news or on social media.
Asking lots of open-ended questions is key to carrying the conversation. Instead of asking “Do you like this restaurant?” try “What do you think of this restaurant?” This invites a more elaborate answer, giving you more opportunities to build from their response.
During small talk, we are always listening for things we can build on to continue the conversation. Of course, active listening and non-verbal cues—as mentioned before—are essential for showing that you are engaged.
Finally, giving a genuine compliment followed by a question can be a great way to connect. For example: “I love your sunglasses! Where did you get them?”
Non-verbal cues during small talk
Non-verbal cues can reveal a lot about how someone is feeling. If someone is asking lots of questions, nodding, and maintaining good eye contact, it shows they are engaged and want to continue the conversation. If they are leaning in while listening and smiling, it can also signal interest and enjoyment.
On the other hand, if someone is giving short answers, it may indicate they are not interested or are distracted. Looking away, not facing you directly, or checking their phone or watch often signals that they want to end the conversation or are in a hurry.
Ways of practicing small talk
Practicing small talk may feel challenging, but there are effective ways to improve and see progress over time. Role-play exercises with someone you know—or with a speech-language pathologist—can help. Practicing starting, maintaining, turn-taking, and ending a conversation boosts confidence.
If you don’t have someone to practice with, talking in a mirror can be helpful. This allows you to monitor your facial expressions and body language to ensure they match what you are saying and feeling. Going out in public and asking a simple question—such as when ordering at a coffee shop—can also spark small talk.
Journaling is another effective strategy. Write down the situation, what went well, what went wrong, and how it could be improved. This helps you prepare for similar situations in the future, making you feel more confident and ready to engage.
Final thoughts
Small talk is an important skill for starting conversations and building connections. It requires a combination of other skills that can be practiced and improved over time. By focusing on your weaker areas, you can build confidence and make carrying small talk feel more comfortable and natural.
To speak with a psychotherapist or one of the speech-language pathologists at Well Said: Toronto Speech Therapy, schedule an initial consultation by clicking the link below or calling (647) 795-5277.
